What am I missing? Part 1: Defining the Problem and Attachment Theory

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What Am I Missing? Part 1: Defining the Problem and Attachment Theory

Defining the Problem

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What am I missing? I keep relapsing and don’t know why I have such a difficult time remaining clean and sober? This question is often posed by individuals struggling with addiction. It’s a question that begs for answers, and yet, the solution seems elusive. In this article, we’ll explore the answer to this question, not by looking at the problem, but by examining the foundation of our relationships and the impact it has on our addiction.

The Need for Change

We treat addiction in treatment as a problem to be solved, a puzzle to be figured out. We provide information and teach individuals how to remain clean and sober, but is this approach effective? The answer is no. Most addicts and alcoholics are above average in intelligence, and the question is, “Don’t you think if they could be taught how to stop destroying their life they would merely read a book and the problem would be eliminated?” The answer is, “Of course.” Who would choose to drink, drug, or addictively act out knowing their life is over if they do? Nobody. Thus, people know and they still partake in these behaviors.

The Problem is Not the Solution

Therefore, the answer is not merely education. The solution is not simply providing information. The problem is the foundation, the foundation of our relationships, and how we treat each other.

What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment Theory is a framework that explains how our early relationships shape our sense of self and our ability to form healthy relationships. The theory suggests that secure attachment with our caregivers is crucial for healthy development and that disruptions in the attachment system can lead to vulnerabilities in the sense of self and others.

The Basics of Attachment Theory

The basic principle of Attachment Theory is that those with secure attachment (stronger emotional relationship with caregiver) are better able to regulate emotions and have fewer relationship problems. However, disruptions in the attachment system (insecure attachment) can lead to vulnerabilities in the sense of self and others, as well as relationship problems, thus leading to shame, codependency, and a need to numb pain via addictive behavior.

Interpreting the 12 Steps from an Attachment Perspective

Step 1: The experience of abandonment

Step 2: Permission to hope; integration to others

Step 3: Taking a risk (vulnerability) to attach

Step 4: Taking a risk to attune with self

Step 5: Taking a risk to attach to another person

Step 6-7: Correcting and repairing relationship with self

Step 8-9: Correcting and repairing relationships with others

Step 10: Personal responsibility for securely attached relationships in my life

Step 11: Solidifying a secure attachment to my Higher Power

Step 12: Increasing my ability to model securely attached relationships to others

Conclusion

In conclusion, the answer to the question “What am I missing?” is not merely education or treatment. The problem is the foundation of our relationships, and until we address and model secure attachments to our patients, they will stay stuck in the solution of continuously seeking to avoid and discharge pain through addictiveness.

FAQs

Q: What is the relationship between attachment and addiction?
A: Disruptions in the attachment system can lead to vulnerabilities in the sense of self and others, as well as relationship problems, thus leading to shame, codependency, and a need to numb pain via addictive behavior.

Q: How can therapists use Attachment Theory in their practice?
A: Therapists can use Attachment Theory by interpreting the 12 steps from an attachment perspective and modeling secure attachments with their patients.

Q: What is the key to addressing addiction?
A: The key to addressing addiction is to provide a solid definition of concepts that we see as normal (based on definitions that were modeled) albeit dysfunctional and damaging, and to model securely attached relationships with our patients.