Doing Things We Don’t Want to Do When Doing Them Would Be Good for Us
Why Do We Struggle with Doing Things We Don’t Want to Do?
One of the most common obstacles people confront in psychotherapy, especially in therapies using behavioral techniques, is inertia. In physics, inertia means a thing that is not moving will stay not moving; or, a thing that is moving in a specific direction will stay moving in that direction unless or until some force compels either one to do differently.
When we feel depressed or otherwise down, apathetic, helpless, and so on, we often experience a psychological inertia of sorts. We find it difficult to do things that we know would be good for us to do (we stay at rest), or conversely, we find it difficult to stop doing things that we know are not good for us to do (we stay in motion). Depression seems to quash our capacity (force) to do differently. It renders us inert.
Wanting: The Missing Link Between Knowing and Doing?
When I ask folks why they cannot “make themselves” do things, they might say, in one way or another, “I want to do it, but I also don’t ‘want’ to do it.” They seem to mean, “I know I would do well to do this, but I don’t have the want required to make the doing happen.” Many people seem to pinpoint a lack of want as the missing link between (a) knowing or believing that doing a thing would be good for them; and, (b) doing the thing.
Does Not Wanting to Do Mean We Can’t Do? A Cognitive Approach
First, let’s talk about what it means to want. Sometimes, we do things in life because we want the experiences of doing them. For example, we want to eat our favorite foods because we want the experiences of eating them, and we want to listen to our favorite songs because we want the experiences of listening to them. On the other hand, we do many other things in life without wanting the experiences of doing them. For example, we wash our bedding, clean our toilets, pay our bills and so forth, often without wanting the experiences of doing them. We do such things because we want the outcomes or effects of doing them (e.g., fresh bedding, clean toilets, paid bills and so forth).
In effect, we either want to do a thing for the sake of doing it or we want to do a thing for the sake of its consequence(s) or outcome(s).
Appeal to Reason
- We have evidence that not doing X means that we feel or will feel either the same or worse than we presently do.
- We do not know how we will feel if we do X consistently (e.g., for one week or longer).
- Not wanting to do X right now is not evidence that doing X consistently will make us feel no differently from how we feel right now (see WE UNDERESTIMATE THE REWARD WE WILL FEEL).
- If continuing to not do X means feeling the same or worse, and doing X consistently means we might feel differently, then it is reasonable to do X consistently whether we want to do it or not (i.e., it is reasonable to find out what will happen).
We Underestimate the Reward We Will Feel
Most of us can remember a time or times when we did something we either (a) did not want to do; or, (b) had never done before, and were pleasantly surprised by how much fun we had, how interesting it was, and so on.
Oftentimes, I ask people to consider these times when they feel depressed and do not want to do things they either know or at least suspect would be good for them to do.
Researchers and experienced therapists agree that we often underestimate the amount of satisfaction we will feel if we do things that are good for us to do when we feel depressed.
Consequently, we have good reason to assume that we will feel better than we think we will feel if we do things that are good for us to do when we feel depressed. We can use this assumption to help us do things when we do not want to do them while depressed.
Summary
As we have noted, doing things we don’t want to do when doing them would be good for us is no easy feat. In fact, it is one of the most common and recurring problems folks encounter in psychotherapy. Nevertheless, psychotherapy can help us find ways to overcome psychological inertia and get back to doing the things that are good for us to do.
FAQs
Q: Why do we struggle with doing things we don’t want to do?
A: We struggle with doing things we don’t want to do because of psychological inertia, which is a lack of motivation or energy to do things that are good for us.
Q: Is it possible to overcome psychological inertia?
A: Yes, it is possible to overcome psychological inertia with the help of psychotherapy and other techniques.
Q: What can we do to overcome psychological inertia?
A: We can use various techniques such as appealing to reason, using cognitive distortions, and focusing on the benefits of doing something to overcome psychological inertia.
Q: Can we really change our behavior and overcome psychological inertia?
A: Yes, it is possible to change our behavior and overcome psychological inertia with the help of psychotherapy and other techniques.
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