How Getting Sober Changed a Chef’s Relationship with Food

A Journey of Self-Discovery and Nourishment

As a chef, I thought I had a healthy relationship with food. But looking back, I realize that my connection with food was deeply rooted in my addiction and self-destructive behavior. Growing up with a mother who had strong food aversions, I developed an opportunistic and unhealthy approach to eating. My journey to sobriety was a turning point in my relationship with food, and it changed everything.

A Childhood of Contrasts

My mother’s aversion to certain foods was intense. She hated salt, and it was the one ingredient she would never use in our household. Instead, she relied on Mrs. Dash seasoning to add flavor to our meals. While I understood her concerns about salt, I also grew up feeling like I was missing out on certain flavors and textures. My mother’s food aversions were not only about her own health but also about the people she loved. She believed that certain foods could harm those around her, and she took it upon herself to protect us from those perceived dangers.

The Birth of an Addict

As I entered adulthood, I began to rebel against my mother’s restrictions. I started experimenting with new foods and ingredients, including salt. I thought that I knew better than my mother, and I convinced myself that a little bit of salt wouldn’t hurt. But my newfound love of salt was also a symptom of my addiction. I used food as a way to cope with my emotions, and salt became my go-to ingredient. I would consume massive amounts of salted foods, including greasy snacks and processed meats. My addiction was not only about the taste but also about the rush of adrenaline and dopamine that came with it.

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The Bottom

I hit rock bottom when I found myself on a rooftop, out of beer and cocaine, watching the sunrise. It was a moment of pure shame and guilt, and it made me realize that I had to make a change. I knew that I couldn’t continue down the path of self-destruction, and I knew that I needed help.

Sobriety and a New Perspective

I got sober, and it changed everything. I began to see food in a new light. I started cooking again, but this time, I approached it with a newfound sense of intentionality. I began to experiment with different flavors and ingredients, including salt. I realized that salt was not the enemy; it was just a tool that could be used to enhance the flavors of other ingredients.

A New Appreciation for Food

As I continued on my journey of self-discovery, I developed a new appreciation for food. I started cooking for others, and I found joy in watching them enjoy the meals I prepared. I also started cooking for myself, and I found that I was able to nourish my body and soul in ways that I never had before. Food was no longer just about filling my stomach; it was about bringing people together and creating memories.

Cooking for My Mother

I often think about my mother and the food she used to make for me. I wish I could cook for her more, just like she used to cook for me. I want to tell her how much I appreciate the way she took care of me, worrying about the little things I put in my body. I want to tell her that I’m not afraid of dying anymore, but I’m not afraid of living either. That both of us are worth our salt. That salt ain’t so bad when you know the purpose it serves.

Conclusion

Getting sober changed my relationship with food, and it changed my life. It forced me to confront my addiction and to find a new sense of purpose and intentionality in my cooking. I no longer view food as a way to cope with my emotions or to fill a void. Instead, I see it as a way to nourish my body and soul, and to bring people together.

FAQs

Q: How did your mother’s food aversions affect you as a child?
A: Her food aversions made me feel like I was missing out on certain flavors and textures. It also made me feel like I had to be careful about what I ate, and that I had to follow strict rules about food.

Q: How did your addiction to salt affect your relationship with food?
A: My addiction to salt was a symptom of my addiction to food. I used salt to mask the taste of other ingredients, and I used it to cope with my emotions. It made me feel like I was in control, but it also made me feel guilty and ashamed.

Q: How did you get sober?
A: I got sober by attending AA meetings and by finding a support system of friends and family who encouraged me to stay on the path.

Q: How has your relationship with food changed since you got sober?
A: My relationship with food has changed in that I no longer view it as a way to cope with my emotions or to fill a void. Instead, I see it as a way to nourish my body and soul, and to bring people together. I have also developed a new appreciation for the flavors and textures of different ingredients, and I enjoy cooking for others and for myself.