How Your Parental Expectations May Sabotage Your Relationship With Your Child

Introduction

As a parent, there’s no denying the joy and pride that comes with watching your child grow and develop their own identity. However, it’s easy to get caught up in our own expectations and visions for our children’s lives, which can ultimately sabotage our relationship with them. In this article, we’ll explore the impact of parental expectations on our relationships with our children and provide tips on how to navigate this complex issue.

The Dangers of Unrealistic Expectations

Close your eyes and think back to the day your child was born. Remember the moment your eyes locked with one another and the feeling of holding one of God’s greatest gifts for the first time. Did you imagine looking in the innocent eyes of your child and envisioning the rest of their lives? Did you imagine them exceling in school, pursuing a high-powered career, and achieving success in every area of their life?

Fast forward to today, and ask yourself, “Am I struggling with the fact my child hasn’t received all A’s since first grade and they’re now a C student in 9th grade?” “Or my rising senior just told me she wants to take a gap year and find herself?” “Or my 5-year-old refuses to play the sport I love and cries at every match they play in?” If so, your vision and expectations could very well sabotage your relationship with your child.

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Parental Expectations vs. Child’s Needs

As parents, we struggle the most when we become stuck in the mental utopia of visions and expectations of our children that have no room or space for imperfection. And oftentimes, this struggle is compounded when we define our children by who they are versus who we want them to be. We suffer the greatest as parents when we pursue a life for our children that doesn’t belong to them. When expectations are not met, pain ensues, and we often place blame on our children who did not live up to our expectations – even if our expectations are unreasonable.

Most often, expectations come from what we’re used to, our family growing up, or our own personalities. We’re taught to imitate something and want something, that we project onto our children, that doesn’t belong to us or our children, which ultimately causes suffering. If you grew up in a family in which everyone went to college and graduate school to pursue a career in law, most often you will expect, at the very minimum, for your child to go to college. But what happens when they say they do not want to pursue higher education, but culinary school to become a chef? Or what happens when your adolescent chooses to quit the math and science clubs and pursue creative arts?

The Impact on Child’s Sense of Self

The inability to release those expectations creates not only a barrier between the parent/child relationship that blocks effective communication but is harmful to a child’s sense of self. When we push our children to conform to our expectations, we’re essentially telling them that they’re not good enough as they are. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and a sense of failure.

Breaking Free from Unrealistic Expectations

So, how can we break free from these unrealistic expectations and cultivate a healthier relationship with our children? Here are a few tips:

* Practice self-reflection: Take time to examine your own expectations and values. Ask yourself, “What are my expectations for my child’s life, and are they based on reality or my own desires?”
* Communicate openly: Have open and honest conversations with your child about your expectations and values. Listen to their thoughts and feelings, and work together to find a compromise.
* Focus on the present: Instead of focusing on the future, focus on the present moment. Celebrate your child’s strengths and accomplishments, and support them in their passions and interests.
* Embrace imperfection: Recognize that your child is unique and special, and that it’s okay if they don’t meet your expectations. Embrace their imperfections and celebrate their individuality.

Conclusion

In conclusion, unrealistic parental expectations can have a significant impact on our relationships with our children. By recognizing the dangers of these expectations and taking steps to break free from them, we can cultivate a healthier and more loving relationship with our children. Remember, the most important thing is to support and love your child for who they are, not for who you want them to be.

FAQs

Q: How can I overcome my own expectations and focus on my child’s needs?
A: Start by practicing self-reflection and examining your own values and expectations. Then, focus on communicating openly with your child and listening to their thoughts and feelings.

Q: What if my child doesn’t meet my expectations? How can I deal with disappointment?
A: Recognize that it’s okay if your child doesn’t meet your expectations. Instead of focusing on disappointment, focus on celebrating their strengths and accomplishments.

Q: How can I support my child in their passions and interests?
A: Start by asking your child about their interests and passions. Then, support them in exploring these interests and providing resources and guidance as needed.

Q: What if my child is struggling in school or with a particular activity? How can I support them?
A: Start by having open and honest conversations with your child about their struggles. Then, work together to find solutions and provide support and guidance as needed.