Netflix’s Sexy Beasts tells us you can take physical attraction out of love. The reality is much more complicated

The new Netflix dating show, Sexy Beasts, promises to take dating off the surface level and dive into what really matters in a relationship – personality. Contestants disguise themselves as "sexy beasts" and must rely on their feelings for their matches, free from superficial physical attraction. But does it work in reality?

First up is Emma, the demon, a six-foot-tall model from New York. When asked about her expectations of dating and her ideal partner, Emma explains that “it is just all in the chemistry” and “sexual attraction is definitely a must.”

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In a modern-day Perfect Match, Sexy Beasts asks if people can fall in love solely based on personality.

The biology of love can be measured

Physical attraction can be measured in the brain as biological responses to an appealing visual stimuli. Brain imaging has shown a number of areas actively light up when we see someone we consider attractive. These activated areas are consistent regardless of an individual’s gender identity and sexual preference.

Physical attractiveness is not just based on facial qualities. We judge physical attractiveness based on waist-to-hip ratio and breast size (for female bodies in particular); waist-to-chest ratio (for male bodies in particular); and skin tone. According to evolutionary psychology, heterosexual males tend to look for a partner who signifies youth and fertility. Heterosexual females tend to look for a partner with a strong immune system and who can provide support for the young.

… but it’s not all biology

Social and developmental researchers specialising in relationships (such as myself) believe individuals will evaluate potential romantic partners based on a trade-off of three different desirable characteristics: physical attractiveness, kindness, and wealth.

In relationships, “kindness” can also be described as warmth and trustworthiness, having a partner who is understanding and supportive. “Wealth” relates to both status and resource, having a partner who is successful in their profession. Globally, kindness has been rated as the most important criteria, followed by physical attractiveness and then wealth. It is highly improbable one individual will be able to perfectly meet all these standards, therefore, expectations are often modified to justify partner selection.

How to build a relationship

Watching Sexy Beasts as a relationship expert, I was not convinced contestants in this show connected based on personality alone. The show removes some elements of judging physical attractiveness, but it doesn’t give the space for the individuals to judge kindness and wealth.

Social context is an important factor when deciding which partner characteristics are important. As with all reality dating shows, these contestants are motivated not by love, but by winning a competition – even if that means going against what is important to them in a partner and a relationship.

The truth about relationships

In reality, relationships are a lot more complicated than the surface-level match-ups on Sexy Beasts. Connection, trust, communication, and intimacy are all essential for building a strong and healthy relationship.

Falling short or not living up to partners’ expectations is a recipe for relationship sabotage. True love requires compatibility, but also work. Relationships require active effort and commitment to understand each other’s needs and desires.

Gabi, the owl, is a veterinary student from West Virginia who talks about her love for dogs – but she is matched to a potential partner who is allergic to dogs. Nina, the dolphin, is looking for a “cowboy” – but does not choose the contestant who matches that description. Kariselle, the panda, is an outgoing and “nerdy” party motivator from New Jersey, looking for a husband. However, she rejects the bull, Josh, who is “dating to marry” and looking for an outgoing partner with the same “nerdy” interests as him.

The qualities that bring us closer to our partner – warmth, expressivity, openness, and a good sense of humour – are all crucial to build a strong bond. However, relationship success is dependent on so much more than just these characteristics.

Hours of work have gone into the creation of each of these “sexy beasts”. But it is nothing compared to the work it takes to make a relationship last.

Conclusion

Relationships are never simple, and even the attempt to remove physical attraction can fall short. While physical attractiveness may not be the only factor, it remains an important aspect of the relationship-building process.

FAQs

• Q: Can you really fall in love based on personality alone?

• A: In a controlled environment like the show, it may be possible to focus solely on personality. However, in reality, many factors influence our choice of partner.

• Q: Does the show address the importance of kindness and wealth in a partner?

• A: Kindness is an essential quality for building a relationship, but the show fails to adequately address the importance of these qualities alongside physical attractiveness.

• Q: Do relationships require more than just compatible personalities?
• A: Yes, true love requires compatibility, commitment, and a willingness to work together through the challenges and ups and downs of life.

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