Self determination theory: how to use it to boost wellbeing

Self-determination theory (SDT) is one of the most well established and powerful approaches to wellbeing in psychological research literature. Yet it doesn’t seem to have broken through into popular discussions about wellbeing, happiness and self-help. That’s a shame, because it has so much to contribute.

A foundational idea in self-determination theory is that we have three basic psychological needs: for autonomy, competence and relatedness.

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Autonomy is the need to be in control of your own life rather than being controlled by others. Competence is the need to feel skilful at the tasks one values or needs to thrive. Relatedness refers to feeling loved and cared for, and a sense of belonging to a group that provides social support.

If our basic psychological needs are met, then we are more likely to experience wellbeing. Symptoms include emotions such as joy, vitality and excitement because we’re doing the things we love, for example. We’ll probably have a sense of meaning and purpose because we live within a community whose culture we value.

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Conversely, when our basic needs are thwarted we should see symptoms of illbeing. Anger, frustration and boredom grow when our behaviour is controlled by parents, bureaucrats, bosses or other forces that press our energies towards their ends instead of ours.

Depression is liable when we our competence is overwhelmed by failure. And anxiety is often a social emotion that arises when we’re worried about whether our group cares for us.

So we should cultivate our basic psychological needs – but how? You need to discover what you want to do with your life, what skills to become competent in, who to relate to and what communities to contribute to.

Using motivation to find your way

Here’s where the second foundational idea in SDT can be super helpful, as I explain in my new book, Beyond Happy: How to rethink happiness and find fulfilment. SDT proposes a motivational spectrum running from extrinsic at one end to intrinsic at the other. Finding out where you are on the spectrum for a certain activity or task can help you work out how to be happier.

The more extrinsically motivated something is, the more self-regulation it requires. For example, when refugees flee their homes due to encroaching war, there is often a large part of them that wants to stay. Willpower is required to act. In contrast, intrinsically motivated behaviour springs spontaneously from us. You don’t need willpower to get stuck into your hobbies.

Each type of motivation comes with different emotional signals and deciphering them can help us find what values, behaviour and groups suit us.

“Identified” motivation, for example, sits between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. It occurs when we value an activity but don’t inherently enjoy it. That’s why success in identified behaviour is usually met with a feeling of accomplishment or the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you do the right thing, like going a bit out of your way to put your rubbish in a bin.

In contrast, “introjected” motivation is where you value something contingent to the behaviour itself. Many of us loathe the gym, for example, but we want to be healthy. A child might not want to practice the cello, but they do want their parent’s approval.

Because introjection is relatively extrinsic, it requires willpower, and probably a bit more of it than for identified behaviour. Completion of an introjected activity is often met with relief rather than accomplishment and little desire to keep going.

Sometimes things that are dependent on introjected behaviour can make us unhappy. In teen dramas, for example, the protagonist often does something because they want to be popular, but when they win the approval of the cool kids they realise those kids are mean and lame.

Why money, power and status won’t make you happy

If that’s how you feel, you’ve found something inauthentic to you. Then there’s very little chance the introjected activity will lead to your wellbeing. In fact, SDT has identified some common values. You’ll recognise them immediately: popularity, fame, status, power, wealth and success.

They’re extrinsic because they’re not peculiar to you. If you get rich doing the thing you love, that’s great, but many of us never even think about what we love because we’re too busy thinking about how to get rich.

Extrinsic pursuits are ultimately bad for our wellbeing because they’re all poor substitutes for basic psychological needs. When our autonomy is thwarted by strict parents or disciplinarian teachers, we crave power. When we don’t know what sort of life to build and thus what skills we need competence in, we adopt other people’s notions of success instead.

Extrinsic pursuits often emerge from a wounded place and a defensive reaction. When we’re lonely or feel unloved for who we are, for example, we might compensate by seeking fame or popularity. We’ll start talking about our accomplishments on LinkedIn, for example.

The problem is that the people this attracts don’t value you specifically, only your power, status or money. You sense that if you ever lost those things, you would lose these people too.

SDT can help you learn to listen to your emotions and interpret your motivations instead, and use them to guide you towards the values, activities and people that are right for you.

For example, if you feel joyful and fulfilled when you solve a complex puzzle, perhaps consider a career that involves that activity, such as law or engineering. If such puzzles feel like torture, that’s a signal too. Perhaps something more relational or intuitive, like social work, would work better.

When you pursue things that are authentic to you it will nourish your sense of autonomy. You’ll build competence in those activities because they’re intrinsically motivated. And you’ll form deep relationships with the people you encounter because you genuinely like each other. Wellbeing will follow.